Win some, lose some

Thought of the things that I could do… Sing and play the guitar in the office, go out to anywhere for lunch, have someone to speak Chinese with, freedom in doing what you want as long as you finish your work.

But I also remind myself that we gain some, we lose some. I gain in terms of finding value in what I am doing, I gain better financial security, I gain certainty and assurance in terms of structure, I gain… who knows. There are much to discover I guess.

Still quite affected by the connections I’m losing though. Someone who speaks Chinese and is willing to talk crap at somewhat similar frequency is not easy to come by. But well, 不是你的就不是你的,算了吧。

Some came and went; this isn’t the first, anyway. You will be fine.

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Win some, lose some

音乐静止了

灯光熄灭了 音乐静止了
滴下的眼泪已经停不住了
天下起雨了 人是不快乐
我的心真的受伤了

One of the songs that we’ve been putting on repeat the past 2 weeks, and this is so apt in describing how it feels like now. 就只差没有滴下眼泪而已。

O and N have been feeling sad about me leaving, and I keep responding with, “I’m still in Singapore la” and “I’m still alive la”. But, I’m feeling it too :(

音乐静止了

Tomorrow

I’m surprised that the feeling of dread is growing. I’ve had my moments when I wish Sunday would stay a little longer. It wasn’t so much about doing the work itself, but so that I don’t have to face someone and the emotional stresses that brings. But now, kinda wish I have more time with the people here.

Over the past 1.5 year, relationships in this office hasn’t moved much until the past 2 months – after I tendered. Hearts began to open up, trust and support built. Attachment grew too.

If Michelle were to ask me a second time if there’s anything I would miss, it will be a resounding yes, with a clearer answer of what I would miss. A few of these people here.

Hope to see you guys even without an “official reason”.

Tomorrow

出路

Two of us stayed back in the office after the work hours on Wednesday. I had my guitar with me so I sat beside her playing songs on my guitar while she does her work and sing along at times. Mainly Chinese songs because we like Chinese songs.

We’ve been talking to each other and sometimes making jokes about doing this “more important thing” of finding a greener pasture, so that evening this happened as well. She was moaning about the amount of work that she had to do.

Me: Okay okay 不要难过,我帮你找出路。(Starts fiddling with my laptop)

Then I found what I wanted and got back to my guitar. Fumbled around with the chords and tried to catch the key by humming the song…

O: 这首歌很耳熟。是不是那个,那个以前的电视剧的? (I carried on with humming my song while trying to recall the melody)

(And I finally found it, and as I approached the chorus…)

Me: (sings) 走出去就有路~
O: 你还真的帮我找出路!!! HAHAHAHA 你还真够朋友!

And both of us burst out laughing. Not bad me, good joke, good joke :p Some of the lyrics were quite apt for her situation too. Lol we’ve been singing songs to each other’s situations. This kinda stuff are really my kind of jokes.

出路