Thank God for when I laid hands on my throat and prayed for healing, the soreness immediately went away by more than 50%!
Thank God that I didn’t have to use my voice (with a sore throat) at the students’ workshop much yesterday, even though I would have loved to spend more time talking to the students if not for my throat.
Thank God for providing me with a smooth traffic this morning, that I managed to reach the office within 30 minutes (of driving). I REACHED AT 0807 YAYYY! #recordbreaking hahaha
Thank You God, for being a God who is so real to me. Thank You for mending the brokennesss within me. Thank You for this victory!
Hopped onto the car. Just when the driver greeted me, something familiar caught my eyes. “Are you from Hope?”
Saw a Christmas invite for the last Christmas service on his car. From our conversation, I kinda figured out that he used to visit but stopped coming regularly.
He said he couldn’t sleep tonight so that’s why he’s out driving. Could it be God – that’s something he asked, and something I asked as well. Is this a mere coincidence or God-incidence? Well, I don’t know, but I do hope this random encounter at 3am at this deserted office building reminded him something about God somehow.
And yeah, knocked off at 3am tonight/this morning :( But who knows, maybe I was really at the right place at the right time :) It’s been a pretty interesting day! Thank You God for blessing this first day of work in this new year!
While the new year “feel” is still here, I thought I should get down to writing down the gains and losses in 2016 and my hopes for 2017. Briefly reflected on my spiritual birthday about a month ago, but didn’t get the time to sit down and write them down properly.
2016 was a year of many changes. So many that it felt as though years went by when it’s only been 365 days. Just the other day when I took a look at my organiser, I was surprised/shocked/stunned to realise that many events took place only this year. I would say 2016 was marked by two significant changes – a friendship, and graduation/start of work life.
In fact, when I went back to look at when was the day I decided to be committed in building this friendship, I was surprised to see that it was just last October. So the friendship had only been 8 months and it’s gone. In thinking of what to write here, I just did a flip-through of my organiser from January to December 2016 and I saw how a name kept appearing in the first 6 months of the year, and it suddenly disappeared in the second half of the year. Disappeared, entirely.
The realisation was, painful. That’s one of those friends that I valued a lot. If not, I wouldn’t have persevered in resolving each of those conflicts we had. I remember, in one of those fights we had, both of us couldn’t believe how I stood undeterred despite having harsh words hurled at me. We both agreed that anyone would have left under that circumstance. I was surprised at how I was, and I remember saying that I couldn’t believe that I stayed to talk it out still. If the friendship did not matter, why would anyone in their right mind persist in situations like that?
Each of those times we fought and reconciled, that feeling was sweet. We fought because of differences, but I’ll never agree that differences should be a reason for quitting a friendship. Certainly tiring when conflicts happened, nonetheless sweet when reconciliation happened. But this time round, tried but there’s nothing I can do with a wall erected.
The other thing that marked 2016 was graduating for (possibly) the final time as a student, and becoming a working adult. Responsibilities are certainly different, and to some extent, burdensome. I remember feeling overwhelmed just by the thought of that before work even began.
And then came challenges to my values and principles as a Christian. I had to take a step back – many times – to re-look at my values and principles. There were times I doubted myself and wondered if I’m just a naive fresh graduate with an idealistic world in mind. In fact sometimes I still do. I wouldn’t say that I’ve been in this long enough – well, it’s only been 7 months – to draw a valid conclusion.
It is also because of these challenges that I asked myself what it is that I really want in my life. To put it another way, what would make me feel accomplished? My director talked to me about getting to a managerial position before turning 30. Well, sounds great and why not? I certainly don’t mind that but at the same time, I came to realise that that thought didn’t really excite me. I figured that what excites me is seeing people grow, seeing people learn. Since the day that I worked part-time as a life coach, I’ll always recall the growth I witnessed and the sparkles in the eyes of those youths I worked with. What makes me feel accomplished would be adding value to others’ lives.
Still dealing with these challenges. And honestly, it’s been a lonely ride. Brutal as it may be, but the fact is most friends can’t be bothered. Mainly because they have their own lives to deal with as well.
And to be really honest, there was a period of time I even doubted the genuineness of the love in the church. These are definitely nice, good and well-meaning people. But sometimes I felt that most of the friendships in church are restricted to the boundaries of a cell group. Once we transit into another cell group, these people are done with being part of your life and they are gone. Very few would even check back. This is very different from the friendships I find outside the walls of a church. While I can’t say these friendships outside are about unconditional love (in that you love someone despite their flaws, weakenesses and even sins), these friends are at least people who look forward to going a long way with you.
But thank God, that I can say that there’s ‘very few’ who would check back rather than ‘none’ in His church. These were the people who made it impossible for me to tell God that His community is not genuine. I figured that a church that loves genuinely and cares for one another regardless of whether you’re in the same cell group or not is an ideal. We are rather far from that. But there are people who live that out. So I stayed put because my accusations couldn’t stand valid in view of these people that God has placed in my life.
I still wasn’t fully convinced until the day at Amanda’s birthday party. When I looked around and saw that those friends from church were the ones serving food and helping out with decorations and stuff, I saw that they were like family to her. It’s like as though they took Amanda’s matters like their own. These were not people from her cell group, so I guess, no obligations? haha But yes, that answered the challenge that I posed to God. Thank You God :)
Guess my conclusion is that while the church is not where God wants us to be, those of us who believe in that vision should continue striving to love others in that way. In the midst of struggling with that, I did find people who felt as torn by that as I did and it’s an encouragement for me to know that there are people who minded that.
So, those were the two major changes in 2016. Pretty tough I would say. But. As I wrote down in point form the things that took place and what I learned, I saw God in every part of the journey. How He allowed me to run away from Him because I hated where my thoughts would wander to whenever I stayed silent, how He pursued me by giving visions to a stranger and an acquaintance regarding me, how I had no one I could turn to but He’s always always there for me. Always. I experienced and learned what it means to call Him my Refuge, my Comforter, my Rock, my Anchor. My God is faithful.
Spent some time with God before this. One of the songs I sang to Him was Potter’s Hand, and I told Him honestly, I feel scared whenever I say to Him, “Mould me.” Because it seems like He always take that seriously. And it’s, more often than not, painful. I asked Him if moulding could ever be enjoyable – I have no idea man. So yes, singing that song to Him on Day 1 of 2017 was rather… nerve-wrecking. 2016 was already tough – yes to the extent that I actually felt maybe death isn’t that bad afterall because at least I’ll be done with the pains on this earth – so I can’t imagine a 2017 that’s as tough or tougher because I already am feeling tired. But at the same time, I trust my God, my Potter, the One who turns ashes to beauty, who picks my broken pieces and turn these into a beautiful art piece.
And going ahead, instead of setting a yearly resolution, I decided to set up checkpoint number 1 in March, for these 3 things:
- Establish a daily rhythm where time is set aside for God.
- In establishing that rhythm, have 2 days a week in which I exercise.
- With regards to that friendship, to let go and let God. I don’t know what this entails, honestly, but I asked that God lead me in that.
Beautiful Lord, wonderful Saviour
I know for sure, all of my days are
Held in Your hands
Crafted into Your perfect plan
You gently called me into Your Presence
Guiding me by Your Holy Spirit
Teach me dear Lord,
To live all of my life through Your eyes
I’m captured by Your holy calling
Set me apart, I know You’re drawing me to Yourself
Lead me Lord, I pray
Take me, mould me, use me, fill me
I give my life to the Potter’s hand
Call me, guide me, lead me, walk beside me
I give my life to the Potter’s hand
Yesterday turned out to be really tiring, yet really fulfilling at the same time. There’s so much I would want to remember – everything that fell into place, everything that lets me know that God is here with me and speaking to me. So so so awesome! I do hope that I will have some time to just write them down.
But yes, was so tired when I turned up for work today. I was running an errand for my boss this afternoon so I had to drive from the east to the far west. While driving on the expressway halfway, there was a brief moment that I dozed off. That moment when I regained consciousness, I realised I didn’t know what even happened in the past few seconds. I was shocked to find my vehicle drifting within the lane without me knowing what had happened in those few seconds. Thank God that He protected me, kept me in lane and didn’t allow me to get into any accident. Thank God for guarding me.
I don’t know if I’m ill or just plain tired, but I felt a little strange on my way home. All I knew was that I needed to drop everything and just take a nap.My sis woke me up to have my dinner and my head felt heavy. Shall see if I can turn up for work tomorrow.
Ended my day late in the east and needed to be back in the east again before day breaks again. I was blessed with a roof over my head, a set of clothes, a toothbrush, a bed to myself at an LGmate’s house. She was feeling ill and yet she made sure I had what I needed. Saved 30 minutes on the travel and hence gained 30 minutes of sleep because of her kindness.
Right now, I’m waiting for my colleague at this unknown place where all three of the uber drivers who drove me here in the past few days never failed to ask at the end: What’s this place ah? The sky is threatening to pour. That tinge of pink in it and lightning streaks flashing across it every now and then sure don’t make me feel good about standing under the open skies alone. But here I found a guardhouse that not only allowed me seek shelter under a simple roof while waiting, but also a guard who offered me a chair.
Thank You God, I see how You’ve been providing for me in such ways. You always provide for me at just the right moment. Just like yesterday, I needed the key to the airport’s store, I needed a staff’s assistance, and everything fell right into place even though I failed to plan for it. They miraculously appeared just right there, right when I needed them. This is my Provider, my ever present help in times of need.
Small and simple blessings, yet powerful. I know my God is with me, taking care of my every step.
Was supposed to have worship practice last evening. I got up in the morning and began to plan how I was going to rush there by 7.30pm after my “compulsory” OT which would end around 7ish. Decided to take a cab. I was hoping that it wouldn’t rain as well, because rain and a huge block of wood that absorbs moisture (a.k.a. the guitar) don’t go well together. But well, worse come to worse, I would just take a cab home. A little tight on cash, but the rides are necessary.
Midway through the day, I asked my boss how she would want me to hand her the company’s vehicle after my OT. After thinking about it, and with changes in plans here and there, she decided that I should just drive it home.
That meant that I could rush off to worship practice immediately after OT. Didn’t have to call and wait for a cab. And that also meant I didn’t need to worry about any rain because I had a vehicle to drive my guitar in.
WOOHOOO! Thank You, God, for providing for me in such a way. Thank You for letting me know You know my need :)
Thankful too, for a little incident that happened today. My colleague, whom I had known to be anti-religion, called me over to show me an article about Jesus Christ’s tomb. Was genuinely surprised that he would share that article with me.
Finding thanksgiving in my everyday. I guess this would help me to see how God works in my life. This was how He got rid of the mundanity of a routined life 13 years ago. Now that work sure feels like a routine and somewhat lacking in purpose (or at least I’m not seeing how I’m making an impact… yet?), thanksgiving shall me remind me of God’s Presence in my everyday life. His Presence will make all things beautiful!