Victory

Today, I am surer of my victory in Christ! No, the situation remains the same but I have joy in my heart this time round.

Said to God before service yesterday, I would only send out that text if You clearly say so. There’s been so many times I thought I heard God say “Go”, but the outcome turned out to be disappointing. In those moments, I would grumble against God, “You told me to go and You didn’t even back me up.” So yesterday I told God, I’m not going to do it unless You clearly say so, lest it’s just me thinking what’s good to do and be disappointed again.

At service yesterday, I’m thankful for what Pastor Jeff preached. It was on forgiveness, Matthew 5:23-24, and how God doesn’t just care about our relationship with Him but that He wants us to have good horizontal relationship with our family, our best friends, and whoever He has placed in our lives. These were my motivation in seeking to resolve the conflict. 

I made a decision in my heart last night, to send out the text as an act of obedience, rather than to expect a favourable response. Well I haven’t received any response, but still find joy within me. Here, it’s no longer just about the friend and I, but it is about God and I. No longer just about what I feel like (not) doing but simply because this pleases Him. This victory I have isn’t about a favourable response, but the victory lies in obeying and having my joy remain in Christ regardless of the outcome.

I can sing in the troubled times
Sing when I win
I can sing when I lose my step
And fall down again
I can sing ’cause You pick me up
Sing ’cause You’re there
I can sing ’cause You hear me, Lord
When I call to You in prayer
I can sing with my last breath
Sing for I know
That I’ll sing with the angels
And the saints around the throne

Victory

What a night

Although I’ve been feeling kinda tired just looking at my schedule for April, I was glad that I managed to squeeze in a meet-up with SE and Cass this week. With SE, the meet-up was delayed since mid-March because both of us took turns to come down with fever haha but those incidents also made me realise that there are people like her whom I really, really, really want to meet – even when I was sick and strengthless. As for Cass, she’s someone that I really miss from the previous LG.

Last night, she shared with me about a, in her words, “sad story” that happened between her and someone else. As she went on with how even though that person claimed to be alright, there’s a sudden change in the way they’ve been conversing with each other in their texts. I was listening and nodding with much empathy, because I could understand how that feels. All that sucky feeling and confusion yes, I know how it feels. But was trying to keep my mouth shut because it’s about her now and not me. So I just kept nodding.

Before we parted, we exchanged our prayer requests. Glad that I had the courage to summarise for her the identity crisis I’m facing at the moment. And while she shared her first prayer request, she mentioned that it’s confusing now because if that person had admitted to being angry or something, then at least she knows wht’s going on and not feel like she’s kept hanging. To which I blurted, “I KNOW RIGHT.”

Lol I guess it’s that glad feeling of, “Finally someone comprehends how I felt then.” But of course, I wouldn’t wish that someone else goes through the same thing, but but it just so happens that someone else understands. She responded to that with a pat and said to me, “I can empathise now.” Empathy can be truly comforting sometimes.

After she left, I was on my way to the car park when I came across a guy who’s busking with a guitar. I was just walking past and didn’t pay much attention to him, until I heard him sing about what seemed like… redemption. And I confirmed that suspicion when I heard him sing about the cross. 

He gave off a “Joel vibe”, but likely younger than us. At the end of his song, he started sharing about his struggles with pornography and how he found hope and strength to change through Christ. I stood there for a good 10 minutes, just watching him share and sing. A little awkward because I was the only audience. But who cares, if that could encourage a childlike heart that simply yearns to glorify. 

He reminds me of me, the past me. The one who would go the extra mile for God. It didn’t feel like it took much effort then because I was driven with passion. When I saw him, I really wished that I will have that boldness and that childlikeness once more, to testify for Christ. I stood there and prayed for this guy here. He carried on singing and from that unfamiliar melody, lyrics and progression, it seemed like he was singing his own songs to God.

Bless him, Lord. He’s such an inspiration and encouragement. Such a heart is hard to come by. He must have encountered our God.

What a night

My Prayer

Draw me close to You
Never let me go
I lay it all down again
To hear You say that I’m Your friend
You are my desire
No one else will do
‘Cause nothing else can take Your place
To feel the warmth of Your embrace
Help me find the way
Bring me back to You

My Prayer

Bruises

These bruises make for better conversation
You’re not alone in how you’ve been
Everybody loses, we all got bruises
We all got bruises

Like this song since the first time I heard it a few months ago. Can imagine how such a conversation takes place at the most unexpected time and in the randomest setting when I bump into an old friend years later, as portrayed by the seemingly random lines in the lyrics.

Also like what it says about bruises in life. How these bruises make for better conversation because all of us are bruised in life. These connect people to each other. Guess that’s what empathy and vulnerability are about.

On a side note, this sounds like a pretty fun song for a jamming session :)

Bruises

We Dance

Was reminded of this song on my way home with some thoughts spinning in my head. The image painted by the song brings a kind of comfort.

And it was also in that moment that I realised I came to know of this song around the time when things were just about to happen. I wasn’t even aware of what was waiting for me. But the realisation of how this song was introduced to me on that day makes me feel loved and protected.

Your Hands have always been here, always ready to catch me when I fall.

We Dance

Sanctuary

Woke up this morning and saw that the sky was darker than usual due to the solar eclipse, and this song came to mind. Was reminded of God’s faithfulness in times when I was groaning about the valley. Beautifully written song for a beautiful God :)

Sanctuary
By City Harvest Church

When my world was in darkness
You spoke Your Word
Night turned into day
Your beauty filled this place

When my world stood in silence
You filled my heart
With songs that never end
Forever I will praise

To think that the universe
Could not withhold Your glory
You choose to live in me
I’m so amazed

And I worship You Lord
My life in You restored
Here is my heart
Make it Your sanctuary
For nobody else
But Jesus only You

You are faithful and true
Glorious Lord
All my life
It is You I adore
You’ve touched my soul
Completed my world I surrender to You

It really really amazes me each time I sing of how a God who would not live in things in this world that are hundred-thousand-million times bigger than I am, would actually choose to live in me. Just a tiny one who’s insignificantly small in view of all things we know of. It is my prayer and desire to learn to let Him have more and more of me, till He has all of me.

Sanctuary