Left with just that little corner, the small cupboard and three piles to clear. Excited, because not only will I have a clean and comfortable room to do things in, but this will also give me the “licence” to clean the other parts of the house. Finally, “your room also messy” will no longer be a valid excuse to not touch the rest of the mess in the house yesss.
I’m kinda struggling to find a spot for the “memories pile” though. And this probably means I have more things than I ought to. Well, try again next year I suppose. This time’s not too bad; made much more progress than before.
To less cluttered days ahead, cheers!
Attempted to spring clean the past few days. Or more like, the attempt started months ago and lasted till like erm, this new “spring”. Got distracted la huh.
These few days have got to be of the most productive part of the whole process though. Dragged out the large items, cleaned the entire room, and cleaned out tons of stuff.
What it really felt like though, was a spring-cleaning of memories. There’re many things I used to keep because they remind me of people and our stories. This time round, I spent a few seconds longer looking at them (as compared to other things), and then determined in my heart that it’s time to let go. Throw it away, and don’t look back. Don’t give a chance to second thoughts.
So yeah, threw out a part of my room this time round. Along with it, let go of certain memories. No point holding on to semblances of good old days when there are no signs of them returning. That’s what I say to myself.
Wonder if this is a part of growing into adulthood.
I remember there was this year during a church conference, God gave me a vision as I was worshipping Him. It was a vision of me busy figuring how out to capture the scenery before me. I was so busy with my camera that I neglected to enjoy what was before me. I was then told to take a pause and enjoy it for what it is; don’t miss the moment.
I guess this vision kinda became quite literal and apparent to me during one of my trips last year. I was in Taiwan with a friend and we had a pair of mushrooms that glow in the dark. The minsu owner very kindly lent me his tripod because he saw that I had a DSLR in my hands and figured that I’m into photography. My friend and I brought the mushrooms back to our room. While she watched videos on her phone, there I was trying to figure out the settings on the camera to get the best shot. Switched on the lights, switched off the lights, got the torch, hit that button, rearrange my set-up, google for photography tips – put these on repeat. When I was finally satisfied, I asked her what time it was and was surprised to find out that 2 hours had gone past. Sorry heh.
That, though, made me realise there is some truth to that vision.
Fast forward to the recent episode of the ankle injury. Other than forcing me to take a break, it certainly taught me to slow down.
Initially, I treated it as a joke when I thought to myself that I learnt that not all things can be rushed, such as buses and trains. So many times I’ve watched them pass me by right before my eyes. Yet there’s nothing I could do unless I don’t mind falling flat on my face. And even if I wanted to run for them, I could only afford to limp further with each step.
And these few days, when I put my phone down to spend time with God, I would be close to close off in prayer and pick up my phone again in less than 15 minutes. Quite a few times I thought I heard God saying to me, can’t you just wait? Okay, I can… (less than a minute later) So what am I supposed to think about or do right now? You know my mind will drift right?
And then back to my activities. If I couldn’t slow down last time, I think it has gotten worse.
I got off crutches lately, over the time I spent with my grandparents in Ipoh. Slightly before that, I started practising walking without aid and without limping. The extended (because I need not travel on my own and hence not need a crutch) practice in Ipoh helped me to be more confident and comfortable in walking.
After the Ipoh trip, I began to pick up pace. December – I have just a month and a half left to have my ankle ready for long hikes and swims in the sea in Thailand. I got to recover as quickly as I can. It hurts less in the day and as much as I can, I try to walk without limping and quickly. My ankle often ended up hurting at night after walking too much by the end of the day.
Just this afternoon, I stood up and felt a sharp pain on my knee when I placed my weight on that injured foot. I thought it would go away after some time – you know like how sometimes our body has random but temporary pains? But it didn’t after an hour, and it got me worried. I googled and found out that apparently, a bad ankle injury can lead to injuries on the knee as it tries to compensate for what the ankle cannot do. This is not funny anymore man. And this has to happen just 4 days after my appointment with the specialist that I’ve waited 2 months for.
But yes, once again, it’s another reminder to slow down. Feel the pain, take time to nurse that injury.
Also coincided with the (recent) constant reminder to take time to feel the heartache, to acknowledge it, and take time to nurse it.
It seems like learning to slow down has been a long journey for me. Time and again, I’m reminded to slow down and take time. Physically, emotionally, spiritually. I just keep feeling the need to be doing something, to be occupied. Slow down, yes I will try. Tried walking real slow from church to the train station just now.
O God, I pray that the pains in the ankle and in the knee will not stay with me. I love and I cherish my active lifestyle and I want to get back to it. Heal me, I pray! In Jesus’ Name, Amen.
So I’m right.
Security guy: Smart Earth citizens don’t believe in religion, because of the Stable Care System.
Started watching a Korean drama a few days ago because I initially thought that was the one that my friend recommended. I never fancied Korean dramas because after some time, it’s just the same plot over again. She recommended a brainy show because I love brainy shows. When I realised it’s a different show, this one here seemed pretty intriguing as well so I carried on with the episode.
It’s been 7 episodes and I’ve always loved the suspense and how the story unravels. But I think, I just found my favourite part of the show. [Spoiler’s alert from this point on]
That instant when I stood at the top of the stairs in the Indoor Stadium, there was a sudden flashback of the scene at Global Day of Prayer 2 years ago.
The prayer session came to an end, and we were about to leave with the crowd. The Praise and Worship Team invited those who wanted to continue praising God to stay with them. 2/3 of the people, including us, got up and moved out of the stadium. Just as we reached the top of the grandstand, my friend turned and asked if I wanted to stay.
So we did. We took the row closest to us. In front of us, the rows were empty. The whole scene was definitely, short of the “right atmosphere”. But you know what, I enjoyed myself so so so much praising God! I love unofficial praise and worship sessions, I love it when we pray when it’s not an “official thing”. And of course, I miss that friend.
When I was there in the hall worshipping God earlier on, I thought about the criticisms of pentecostal worship. I recalled how one of the issues with such worship is that the loud music sometimes clouds the reason why we worship; sometimes we are driven more by the music than our desire for God.
My prayer at that point, then, is that God, captivate my heart. If God can’t captivate our hearts, nothing in this world will do.