Remaining Days

So teach us to number our days that we may get a heart of wisdom.
(Psalm 90:12)

Came across this Korean drama on the TV tonight. The main actress is able to see the remaining amount of time that each person has on this earth. While watching the first episode, a question that came to my mind was, “How different would we live our lives if we are able to see the amount of time that we are left with?”

For her, in her remaining 100 ish days, it was definitely different. A lot more daring, a lot more focus on giving her best shot because it would be the only shot she gets.

Well, I won’t ever know. But I definitely need to change the way I’m living. Food for thought.

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Remaining Days

This Life

If this life is all we’ve got, it only makes sense to give it all we’ve got. To pursue our ambitions, strive towards our goal, clear our bucket lists, play hard, work hard.

What if, this life is not all there is? What if how you live this life influences outcome in part 2 after?

Thoughts while considering how much I’m willing to give to make our innovation materialise.

This Life

Dive

Started off the day with breakfast with some colleagues as usual. We had our first dive into a deep conversation. I can’t remember how the conversation flowed, but I saw an opportunity and wanted to hear from them if they really have a 5-year career plan, like what I’ve been hearing from others. Adeline gave her thoughts on it and Alan assured me that it’s fine if I don’t have one because we are on a journey of discovery, he said. We went on to talk a little about ourselves, about where we were and where we are at the moment.

Lunch time, a few of us decided to eat at the F&B outlets instead. The lunch conversation was filled with many mind-blowing discoveries about one another. Talked about sexual orientation, and the three married ladies shared about whether they would date another person outside of their marriage – to be honest, I still have no idea how serious they were when they said what they said. We went on to talk about choice of schools and opportunities in life rising from that. We also suggested a few good-looking guys/girls in the organisation. Quite rubbish talk haha.

After work, someone jestfully suggested getting a drink. To our surprise, the joke actually turned into an impromptu night out with us sharing a jug of beer. Talked at length about views on marriage and relationships. One of the things that was more impactful – though not exactly in a good way – was when the topic drifted to Christianity. The discussion started because one of them asked if I would only choose a Christian partner and I asked for some time to respond because I had to reply a text. To buy time for me, the only Christian at the table, they went around sharing about their unfortunate encounters with Christians. Very, unfortunate. So much so that it saddened me that they had such negative encounters – filled with condemnation and much fear. Sigh.

I’m glad they talked about it though. Now I know. As for me, to be faithful with my role as a Christian, and to extend the love of Christ.

What a day. A day full of meaningful conversations with the colleagues. Something tells me it’s God. It’s God showing me that He is here and He is moving in our midst. So awesome!

Dive

What makes you happy?

A few weeks ago, Val asked me, what makes you happy? Not shopping, not eating good food… I thought about it briefly and concluded the discussion with a “I don’t know.”

What an irony. I’m easily contented in that I’m fine with eating anything, wearing anything plain and simple, and I don’t always feel a lack in what I have. Yet, there’s not much that actually makes me happy.

When I capture a beautiful photo perhaps. Generally determined by whether emotions are evoked by the photo when I look at it. And of course, spending quality time with people where there’s trust, honest and genuineness.

Thinking about this question again because I’m googling online to learn how to define my personal life vision, mission and values. Silly thought that just came: Maybe I can try googling for ‘how to determine what makes you happy’. I have so many questions that on second thought, Mr. Google won’t be able to answer.

What makes you happy?

On one’s accord

Some years ago, I heard of a bold claim that there is no point in praying that we will have the discipline to seek God regularly. The rationale was that there’s no point in asking God to help but to simply #justdoit. I wasn’t comfortable with that idea. Kind of just made sense of that discomfort only today. 

What a boastful claim, isn’t it? To claim that we are – by our own efforts – able to draw close to God. Firstly, God really doesn’t have to come to us just because we seek Him, but that He wants to – at the same time, I’m also a believer of God remaining silent at times for His purposes. 

Secondly, what makes us think that it is anything but grace that even captivates our hearts to draw close? I believe that without grace, this wretched soul here will never desire for God. It is this grace from above that opens my eyes and softens my heart to what He is extending to me.

It’s pride to think that there is even a single part of our lives that we don’t need God’s intervention. By extension, prayer is not so that God knows what we need – He knows. Prayer is in fact our acknowledgement, our surrender, of saying that I can’t do anything by myself, and I need God. The fact that I woke up with my heart beating, and is now typing this post is grace.

On one’s accord

奇怪

最近,有一点不想与人对话。总觉得,说什么就错什么。要不,舌头就打乱了结。

说话好累哦。不但要想要说些什么,也要顾虑到这话适用于场合吗。就算精心想好一句话,说出来却变成结巴。

怎么了,你? 是太享受独处的日子吗? 还是对这世间的人事物厌倦了? 或是自己太在意别人对你的看法了?

如果我真是不顾一屑,脑海徘徊着的是离开的决定。说真的,装作若无其事不单耗时间也耗体力。

奇怪

Counting Blessings

  1. Been staying in the office way past office hours (till 7ish kinda thing), which is against the principle I set out for myself when I first started working. But did this because it’s easier to crutch home when the trains are not so crowded. As a result, I had the opportunity to spend extended time with O as we both stayed back in the office after work hours the past few days. Thankful for the time together, though I still can’t quite put a finger to what makes her special in this organisation. But just, feeling glad :)
  2. Had an engaging conversation with an Uber driver this morning. So engaging that I got off the car happily and forgot to pay. I got in touch with Uber to rectify that mistake, so yes.
  3. When I left office today, the rain was just getting heavier. As I tried my best to hobble down the steps (with a guitar on my back, and thinking to myself I’d better not fall) so that I could get to the shelter as quickly as possible (I minded my guitar getting wet more than me getting wet actually), I suddenly sensed a presence behind me and the rain drops were gone. Well, it wasn’t a divine cloud that sheltered me and me alone, but still quite divine. A gentleman came up from behind and held an umbrella over my head. As I turned around, he told me to take my time lest I fall again. Thank God for the kindness showered upon me these days.
  4. For all the outstretched hands, the seats offered, the eyes that watched to make sure I will be supported should I need help, thank You for people who cared.
  5. Was at an impromptu worship practice for Sunday just now. Impromptu in the sense that I took over another brother just last evening. Yep, had issues with my sense of rhythm, again. But thankful for Wilson who was there as the cajon player. He broke down what others termed as “by feel” into numbers that I could visualise. He counted very patiently alongside me as I tried to catch the rhythm. Immensely thankful that he was there. I think whenever I play in a band, my favourite musician is the drummer. Simply because I rely so much on them; their presence really really boosts my confidence in playing so much more. It helped that Wilson’s a drum teacher too haha nurturing much.
  6. Got a GrabHitch just now, praise God! Second GrabHitch ride I’ve actually managed to get.
  7. More than getting a GrabHitch, it was the driver that made the trip and the night so much better. We had a chat and found out that 1, he’s been hitching people from our church 2, he’s a Christian too 3, he attends the church right in front of my house 4, he’s somewhat my neighbour actually. At the end of the trip, he carried my guitar up to my doorsteps for me. And for what was originally a $12 trip, he only accepted the $10 note from me. All these people whom God has provided along the way these days really make me feel like this world is a better place than I had thought. Heart melts really.
  8. Dennis’ encouragement that made this night a little better. I was feeling quite :( actually. I felt that everyone was just waiting for me to get it during practice just now. Then came Dennis’ text to say that he has heard the songs and know that it’s difficult to catch those songs given the limited time I had. Thankful.

 

Counting Blessings