I thought I was alright when I saw that. I knew I wasn’t elated, but I thought it was okay. I was fine… until Calida looked into my eye and asked how it was. Broke the news, and saw that in her eyes. I knew it the moment I saw my results – I’m not getting into medicine. Saw that in her eyes. I was trying to control myself, at least till we say bye to each other, but there she went, “You alright? You look like you’re going to cry.”
Felt so silly when tears streamed down. I was smiling, laughing when she said it stresses her when people cry, and reassuring her that I was fine. But tears just continued streaming down. Wanted to join the rest for lunch initially, but how to join them like that? Decided to just leave anyway. Ah well.
God, I really have no reason to be crying, to even be feeling disappointed. What, from a 28 pointer to what I am now, ought not I be glad, ought not I be thankful, ought not I be happy? I said to Jeremy, I ought to be happy. And I meant it. Been trying to…
When I went back into the hall to say thank you to the teachers, Mervyln congratulated me and said she felt happy for me. It’s genuine. I could see it. George… He was congratulating someone else when I was just standing behind the person, waiting to thank him, and he called through the gaps to say I’ve done well. OWTTE la. Lol I was, touched. To have someone whom I look up to so much to take notice of me and gave me his attention when I was small and probably quite hidden behind the person. Took a picture with him. The man is huge.
Lying so much today, behind the screen of my phone. “Are you happy!” “yep!” no.
But Gideon. Lol. His remarks were just… Lol bumped into him at the train station and I was smiling with red eyes and nose. Haha a bit mean but quite funny, but more importantly… They made a point – it’s really not bad at all. We should feel better. I should feel better.
Alice called when I was walking towards the MRT station. I saw the miss call but didn’t call back, even though I did think of going back to school to say hi, to thank her for loving me, for always remembering me. But with my face like that, nope! So I waited for her text… And it did come.
Seriously, who am I that got her attention? Like seriously, seriously?! Teachers who made an impact in my life? She’s one.
Her message served as a good reminder though. Cas’ which came in following that was as well. Thank God. Praise the Lord. Bless the Lord. Glory to God in the highest.
Honestly speaking, who do I even think I am? Hoping for a 43? Or 42? Seriously. God, You gave so much grace already and yet I’m unappreciative. I’m sorry. I know I shouldn’t be feeling all these. Not because some others didn’t do as well, but because THIS is Your grace for me, Your say for my life.
Help me to accept this, Lord. And as I think about my future, guide me. You know my heart’s desires, you know who I truly am and what I’ll truly love. So lead me to that place, into Your promised land.
Thank You, Lord. I pray that as I go for the unit outing, You will lift up my spirit as it was originally. So that I won’t be a dampener, so that I will bring joy, so that I am an edifier. Praise You, God! Let all of me praise You.
In Jesus’ most precious Name I pray, Amen :)