Packed week. Before Tuesday morning came, my plan went like this: Take half day on Wednesday, go home practise for Northeast HopeKids’ Easter service, and then worship practice on Thursday evening. But on that Tuesday morning, I heard about what happened with Jolynn’s dad and I scrambled to rearrange my schedule because I had wanted to make it for her dad’s wake. In the end, I only managed to squeeze in less than an hour on Wednesday afternoon to listen to the songs and scribbled my notes for 1 song. Reached home at about 11pm last night and went to bed after showering, because I woke up at 5.15am in the morning and I knew I should sleep.
Didn’t have time to settle down and worship God even as I prepared for the worship service. I’ve never liked rushing through my preparation because that makes me feel as if I’m just going through a motion (i.e. play for service because I’m rostered) rather than preparing my heart to serve God and His precious little children. So I felt bad before practice this evening and apologised to God for my lack of preparation – to the extent that not only did I not find time to prepare my heart, I didn’t even practise through the other 2 songs. I turned up at practice just having listened to the songs over and over again at work, with some scribbled notes here and there.
So yes, at the start of worship practice, I was just trying to translate everything to my hands to play. Thank God that He has given me the ability to see chords and play right away and the recently added ability to pick up songs much faster than before, so I managed to catch up with the rest. But of course, that meant that I was just preoccupied with trying to get techniques right. It’s just… bad stewardship.
We had moved on from the first song to Nothing is Impossible, the second song. We were trying to figure out the details, who should play what, and kept replaying parts of the song as usual.
When we had to refine the chorus, I felt like God suddenly caught my attention. There was like a “Hey, did you realise what song you’re playing? Nothing is Impossible. Do you remember I showed you the same thing on the fridge that morning?” kind of moment.
Was slightly amused when I realised what He did there. It’s like I listened to the song yesterday, kept the song on repeat the whole day today and played through it a few times and didn’t even realise what I was playing for the week. It just felt as if God waved His arms to make me realise it’s not by chance I’m serving this Sunday and playing this song. And I JUST realised how timely this is because this will be the final week they do this song because they are on the final part – sermon titled Victory – for the current series (they do the same set of songs every week they are on the same series). In fact, JL was just sharing with us that Grace didn’t think it would be good to do this song again this week because the kids didn’t quite respond to it (maybe cos it’s a new song), but JL (aka worship leader for this week) decided to try it again anyway. So. Timely. (And this story just became unexpectedly long-winded; had meant to keep it short but ‘JUST’ realisations are cool.)
At that point of realisation, we were rehearsing through these lines:
Through You, I can do anything
I can do all things
Funny ah, God. I know You told me that the other day, but I really have no strength to do it anymore.
‘Cause it’s You who give me strength
Nothing is impossible
Okay. What else could I say to that right? Just, worship.
Since last week’s prayer meet, I’ve been consciously making effort to not keep up with that “0% possibility” thing though that did help me to move on. Because it seems like He didn’t like the idea of it. Yet at the same, I wouldn’t do anything nor even want to think about it, because I’ve tried what I needed to and I’m done trying. I don’t know what’s going on now, I don’t know what needs to be done now, so I decided I’m just not going to do anything. No time to meet anyone else this month, and I want the next month to myself, so well. No strength till He convinces me otherwise, anyway.
My response tonight, well, I get it. Alright, I believe. Nothing is impossible with You. I get it. But I really don’t know what to do about the situation. You do it.