去向

Had a mini HTHT at the meeting table that has played a pivotal role in building our relationship.

The conversation got to this point when I asked if she has any 去向 at the moment. She confessed that she doesn’t, but there may come a point in time she would leave even without one. And of course, the question was diverted back to me.

Uh, I don’t know.

That has bothered me the entire evening. Can I trust you? I want to, but can I? Being here has heightened my trust issues because I’ve seen loads of manipulation going on.

Michelle asked me the other day though, is there anything you would miss if you were to go.

Nothing.
“Really? Not even one?”
Uh… maybe one or two.

One of them being this meeting-table-mate here. I’ve never needed as much faith (?) to take a leap into a friendship. Should I say or should I not? :/

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去向

Love again

Was reminded of how Jesus loves me during service today. Unreservedly. He knew that I may never acknowledge Him, yet He chose to die for me.

This has been a lesson for me since last year. To love, to love, to love – that’s what God has been teaching me through the example that Christ led. Along the way, I probably thought that okay, learnt this, and I forgot to look at it again when circumstance turned around recently. Been trying to not get so invested again, lest I go through another bout of pain. In fact, I kept the pain as a reminder to be on guard. Funny thing was, when the reminder came, it wasn’t even during the sermon but just part of the service chair’s speech.

And this line from JPCC’s None Like You resonated with me as well: For God You are my strong foundation. Something clicked as we sang that line. I suddenly recalled what one of the speakers shared during a finance talk held in church. He shared that he saved up a million dollars in CPF, and because it’s secured (and reaping him high interest rates), he can invest the rest of his money with greater confidence. Even if he should lose his investment, he knows that he has the amount in his CPF to tide him through retirement. In a weird way (weird is an understatement I know), what CPF provides for him is like the strong foundation that we have in God – if we do it right by having God as our anchor.

Love boldly, invest all you can in people. That’s what I got out of it. Interestingly, I’ve always looked upon the time I spend with people as an investment in their lives since I was 12. Not so much the part of getting back something from them, but the part of giving unto their lives. The fruits, I guess, will be refreshment from the time spent with them.

It also somewhat answers a question I had amidst the struggle I had a few months back – how am I to love people while bearing in mind that they will fail me and only God is faithful. If they should fail you, so be it. Deal with the pain, but know that you’ve not lost everything you have, because your strong foundation is in God. Love again.

Tough lesson to swallow, to be honest.

Love again

Alike

Someone made a comment how that stranger (to him) looked like someone we know.

So it’s not just me. They really look alike and to the little extent I know of, walk alike. The resemblance is uncanny, so much so that it haunts.

Alike

Uncanny

The resemblance is uncanny. This makes me want to find out more, somewhat in a bid to find out how similar they are. Yet, the more I find out and the more I discover greater resemblances, my heart is fearful of drawing near. But it’s tempting… tempting to find out why they are so similar, what makes them similar, and what makes her her. Surely, they must be unique.

Uncanny

Time Travel

Dream.

It’s been a number of days that I’ve been travelling back in time with my sister each day. To the time when I was 12. For a mission. To change something or to find out about something – can’t quite remember what other than that it was important and urgent. The time travel portal was a toilet cubicle – where we start and end each day.

My most recent trip allowed me to meet with some relatives in Malaysia. I asked if I was allowed to call my gugu and guzhang because I was in Malaysia. Just wanted to check in on them and see how they were. The relatives asked for the reason and I said I’m the 25 year old WX in a 12 year old WX because I came back in time. They actually believed me and asked how I would be like when I’m 25. And I told them I’m doing well, and I would have completed my studies in Environmental Studies, a course that looks at management, law and public health, etc.

I woke up with a number of questions in my mind: If I could choose again, would I have chosen to work where I am now? Would I have chosen a friendship like this?

What a morning.

Time Travel

Says the Relator

I don’t mind travelling far just to be with loved ones. And it’s always my pleasure to take a longer route home to spend time with people.

Was an evening well-spent with some friends. Made an impromptu decision and travelled from NUS to Punggol for dessert, and then taking a longer route home just to listen to stories.

Says the Relator