音乐静止了

灯光熄灭了 音乐静止了
滴下的眼泪已经停不住了
天下起雨了 人是不快乐
我的心真的受伤了

One of the songs that we’ve been putting on repeat the past 2 weeks, and this is so apt in describing how it feels like now. 就只差没有滴下眼泪而已。

O and N have been feeling sad about me leaving, and I keep responding with, “I’m still in Singapore la” and “I’m still alive la”. But, I’m feeling it too :(

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音乐静止了

出路

Two of us stayed back in the office after the work hours on Wednesday. I had my guitar with me so I sat beside her playing songs on my guitar while she does her work and sing along at times. Mainly Chinese songs because we like Chinese songs.

We’ve been talking to each other and sometimes making jokes about doing this “more important thing” of finding a greener pasture, so that evening this happened as well. She was moaning about the amount of work that she had to do.

Me: Okay okay 不要难过,我帮你找出路。(Starts fiddling with my laptop)

Then I found what I wanted and got back to my guitar. Fumbled around with the chords and tried to catch the key by humming the song…

O: 这首歌很耳熟。是不是那个,那个以前的电视剧的? (I carried on with humming my song while trying to recall the melody)

(And I finally found it, and as I approached the chorus…)

Me: (sings) 走出去就有路~
O: 你还真的帮我找出路!!! HAHAHAHA 你还真够朋友!

And both of us burst out laughing. Not bad me, good joke, good joke :p Some of the lyrics were quite apt for her situation too. Lol we’ve been singing songs to each other’s situations. This kinda stuff are really my kind of jokes.

出路

Secret Santa

When you give out of love instead of an obligation, a budget doesn’t seem to work very well. Was given a budget of $30 for tonight’s gift exchange. Planned weeks ago on what I would give to my first ever close friend – pretty much within the budget.

Wanted to gift her with a new experience that she would probably enjoy. But days after I made the decision, she decided to help whoever-it-is by adding in a wishlist, that was totally different from what I would want to give. Decided to go ahead with a surprise gift anyway, and designed a personal invitation/voucher this morning. Which, I think is quite a miracle considering my lack of artistic talent and reluctance to do this if given a choice. But on a second thought, just a moment ago, didn’t want her to go home tonight without a gift when everyone else has something in their hands, so I got her something else. 

While grabbing the gift, I knew I’m exceeding my budget by 100%. Yet, it didn’t take me too long to decide to get it anyway. 

She’s definitely worth more than $30. And I’m just thankful to have another chance at giving to her – I was her secret santa 2 years ago too lol I laughed when I saw her name again this time.

During lunch with the LG today, we talked about giving angpaos at weddings. Someone had asked if they would give an amount to cover the cost. Another person said he wouldn’t, because he gives everyone the same amount. For me, my principle is to give with a sincere heart.

Secret Santa

Same same but different

Even after avoiding the past 4 months, curiosity got the better of me still. The questions come to mind every now and then. So, I got an impromptu (informal) invitation to an event two days ago, and that friend listed the names of those who would be there. The first that came out was this person’s. This person who bears an uncanny resemblance to another friend. My curiosity got piqued and so I went even though I really needed sleep that day.

As much as I tried to talk to everyone in the group, I couldn’t help but to ask questions about this acquaintance. A good excuse would be that I kinda know everyone else around the table heh. Asked all sorts of questions when opportunity arose, like what do you study, where do you work, where are you heading off to, etc. And I figured out quite a bit just with these questions. Quite impressive eh? :P

By the time the event ended, I asked, “Are you generally like that (a bit ‘high’er than what I had imagined given the resemblance) or only when you are with certain kinds of people?” And I found out that this acquaintance is generally like that.

Which is good. Haha because the resemblance is so uncanny it kinda screws my mind a lot a little. How can two people look/move in such similar ways? I guess in that whole evening, I was more interested in finding the differences than attending the event itself.

On the whole, it felt like quite… an… experience? I don’t really know how to describe how I felt, but I went home feeling something quite positive about it. Haha now that we’ve started talking, at least I no longer need to be so avoidant like I did previously. I was more wary of myself than of that acquaintance, in the sense that… what if I appear to be so eager to know the person because of that resemblance, so much so that it spooks the acquaintance off :/ so yeah, kept a distance and talked to everyone else the first few times we met. Could have spooked this acquaintance off in the other way heh.

But well, a friend made that evening! I still have tons of questions, but I guess that’s for next time, or if I have a chance to know this acquaintance-turned-friend on a more personal level.

Same same but different

Closer

Today felt a little different. Packed my table, even though that was only because my laptop wasn’t with me. I brought home my skates though, knowing that I probably wouldn’t be well enough for another lesson before I leave. And I’ve got my letter printed out, ready to hand it over tomorrow.

And by the end of this month, i.e. 2 more weeks, I’ll be done with my time here.

It surprises me that I would have found a couple of friends here. One of whom makes me feel a little uneasy by being absent but makes me glad just by being present. Interestingly, this was the same person whom I had this passing thought of exchanging 10 cups of coffee for a friendship on my 1-year work anniversary.

Hope we will cross paths again after the end of this month!

Closer

Faith

A friend asked about the purpose of baptism in a group chat just the other day. To my surprise, these Christian guys whom I last remembered as playful boys gave convincing replies. I was bought over by what they presented as well. Apparently, they had thought long and hard over it.

That made me question my faith. Where am I on this journey? I don’t think I’m anywhere close to talking about it in such a manner. How well do I actually know my Bible? Not much, really.

Thankful that I have Christian friends outside my own church though. They help me to see beyond the bubble called “my church” and spurs me on, each in their own ways.

On another note, I need to learn to present truths to others with gentleness and not so in their face. I do love, but let love be communicated outwards the way it exists within.

Faith