Relate

Walked from South Bridge Road to church with Bernice this evening. From what I can remember, it has been a long time since the last time I took a leisure stroll with someone with no concern for time/awkwardness. I should have been concerned about being late for prayer meet I guess, but I was pretty absorbed in the conversation to the point I lost track of time. Or maybe I just didn’t think that much time had passed since we left office.

Towards the end of the trip, she asked me a difficult (potentially sensitive) question that I have come to realise many people have at the top of their heads but just don’t dare to ask. She asked, and her reason was that she realised she was being evasive about it and she didn’t feel comfortable relating in that manner.

I appreciate the honesty. And not just that, her… can I say courage to be herself? The way that she seems to be so at ease with the way she is… not only do I appreciate it, but I want to be like that as well. (On this note, being yourself doesn’t mean being rude and demanding like some people take it to be.)

Her openness makes me want to open up to her as well. It makes me feel that a friendship is possible here? I feel somewhat of a trust here as well – like there had been times when we were both in office and she dropped a text (even though we are seated almost right next to each other) to suggest getting coffee together or having vegetarian for the day, that sort of thing. Trust in the form of being at ease.

I wondered if it’s because she sensed similarity – perhaps the relatively smaller age gap, perhaps my current stage of introversion reminds her of the past her, perhaps she could relate to my introversion, or perhaps we are both INTJ. I considered a few possibilities in my head. I don’t really know why though, but just thankful to God for sending a colleague who’s interested in starting a friendship. In fact, she was the one who popped over at my table to initiate conversations, to ask about me, in my first few days. Also a colleague who asked yesterday, “How’s your day?” Much, much appreciated.

Very thankful to God for this colleague, and another as well. They remind me of the sweetness in relating with people, just when I’m somewhat ready to just sail by and not relate to people as deeply as before.

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Relate

Goal-setting Seminar

Attended a seminar on Sunday. During one of the activities, a question asked was ‘Who will be there to support you?’ and I had to write down names for the period from Jan-Mar 2018 and Apr-Jun 2018.

I listed a few names for the Jan-Mar ones. Left the other one blank and thought hard about who would be there. Kinda realised what was going on.

I had no idea who would still be there then. In a way, I wasn’t sure of how things would turn out in a few months’ time. Used to joke about how maybe so-and-so and I won’t be friends in a few months’ time, and I think I would say this with a greater degree of seriousness now. Who knows right, who knows?

I hate how I can’t easily undo/fix this scar.

Goal-setting Seminar

Unfinished Chapter

It’s almost as if I’ve left that behind along with 2017. It feels good though, because the day that I’ve been waiting for has finally come. Finally it doesn’t really bother anymore.

Not to leave chapters unfinished? I don’t know what else I’m supposed to do with this man. Is this even up to me anymore?

Or, has the end of the chapter actually come already?

Unfinished Chapter

Boat ride

Saw the status update the past few times but chose to overlook them. Because this friend might not appreciate the idea of me dropping a text to check in anyway. Could be a bother even, maybe.

Saw it last night again. Was reminded of it today while I was looking into the distance as the boat moved forward. I brushed it off with that same thought.

Just then, I got reminded what God had taught me about love. My responsibility is simply to give love. Whether the person reciprocates or not, that’s beyond my control and, it doesn’t, it shouldn’t matter. Choose to love anyway, even if it goes unappreciated. Because that’s how I’m first loved by Jesus Christ, my King.

You are loved.

Boat ride