Desire

It’s been a long time since I last felt strong desires within me. This also somewhat coincides with David’s FB post about teaching his students this: If you have an aspiration, go and make it happen.

This thought has been lingering in my mind. Ever since I don’t know when – because I think this hasn’t always been the case – I started to be really chill about stuff. It’s good because I don’t get overly worried. Yet this also means that I no longer pursue what I want with my best. Leave it in God’s hands, I say.

I think I mean it. But at the same time, the lesson David was trying to teach his students also made me think: Could there be a room where I push beyond limits? How about the acronym P.U.S.H. – pray until something happens? Am I missing out on some things that God would have allowed me to learn because I don’t persist?

Received the news today that the EXCO has more or less made the decision to shift us to another division. For various reasons, I’m honestly reluctant – and change is not the main reason this time. Also, still hoping that my friend will get a chance at the interview. These are two desires that are deep within my heart.

It’s… not an absolutely great feeling to have unmet desires. Or to even hold on to unmet desires. I’m still trying to figure out – to what extent do I let go, and to what extent shall I push for them. In the midst of all these praying and struggling, may I gain a deeper revelation about praying. It is also my prayer that while I push, my heart will still remain soft towards what God wants me to see.

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Desire

Almost done

Left with just that little corner, the small cupboard and three piles to clear. Excited, because not only will I have a clean and comfortable room to do things in, but this will also give me the “licence” to clean the other parts of the house. Finally, “your room also messy” will no longer be a valid excuse to not touch the rest of the mess in the house yesss.

I’m kinda struggling to find a spot for the “memories pile” though. And this probably means I have more things than I ought to. Well, try again next year I suppose. This time’s not too bad; made much more progress than before.

To less cluttered days ahead, cheers!

Almost done

Spring-cleaning

Attempted to spring clean the past few days. Or more like, the attempt started months ago and lasted till like erm, this new “spring”. Got distracted la huh.

These few days have got to be of the most productive part of the whole process though. Dragged out the large items, cleaned the entire room, and cleaned out tons of stuff.

What it really felt like though, was a spring-cleaning of memories. There’re many things I used to keep because they remind me of people and our stories. This time round, I spent a few seconds longer looking at them (as compared to other things), and then determined in my heart that it’s time to let go. Throw it away, and don’t look back. Don’t give a chance to second thoughts.

So yeah, threw out a part of my room this time round. Along with it, let go of certain memories. No point holding on to semblances of good old days when there are no signs of them returning. That’s what I say to myself.

Wonder if this is a part of growing into adulthood.

Spring-cleaning

Nightfall

I do silly things at night. I know I do, but I still do it anyway. Often, this comes in the form of writing heartfelt/deep messages that I regret writing by the time the next day comes. But I do it anyway, and force myself to pass it on to the recipient before regret sets in.

Tonight, I sent a message to a superior from another department. My final push/try for this friend I suppose. I hope it helps her in getting invited to the interview. I would hate to see both the employer and employee miss out on good potentials just because of various filters.

I can feel my heart racing. Brave move. And I’m fearful of how the recipient of the message would look at me, to be honest. But I did it anyway. I hope this helps, both of you, really.

Nightfall

Beyond Measure

Been talking to a friend over text these few days about his job search. The process isn’t just physically demanding, requiring time and attention. It is also one that can be rather emotionally challenging while waiting for a reply. And after some time, there is this wonder if the reason we are not receiving that invitation to an interview or getting a job offer is because we are not good enough. We are not wanted.

He’s not the only friend who has talked to me about this. Another friend admitted her struggles with this the other day as well.

We are worth a lot more than we think. A lot more than our circumstance tells us. A lot more than anyone has made us feel. A lot more than anyone has ever said to us. A lot more than this even.

And I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from God’s love. Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow—not even the powers of hell can separate us from God’s love. No power in the sky above or in the earth below—indeed, nothing in all creation will ever be able to separate us from the love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord. (Romans 8:38-39)

One thing is true: God deemed us worth enough to be exchanged for, with His Son’s life.

Beyond Measure

If only people would validate your feelings and be a support, rather than just preach theories that you know about…

Not targeted at me, but indirectly affected too.