“Breaking up is hard”

That’s what Zalora tells me when I hit the unsubscribe button.

But I feel it. All the talks about the future plans and I know you see a potential in me make it difficult for me to even think about raising the topic. And you talk about people’s as if you’re not expecting it to come from me – that makes me feel sorry.

Now I feel like buying us some time, but I also know it’s not going to make much of a difference. I’m still going to feel the same way about raising the topic even after some time, unless a drastic negative change takes place. So maybe I shouldn’t intentionally delay it, though it may be good if they give us more time; so that you can have time to find a substitute.

Sigh. Breaking up is hard. And no, I’m not in a dating/courtship kind of relationship. It’s as figurative as Zalora has it. #disclaimer

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“Breaking up is hard”

去向

Had a mini HTHT at the meeting table that has played a pivotal role in building our relationship.

The conversation got to this point when I asked if she has any 去向 at the moment. She confessed that she doesn’t, but there may come a point in time she would leave even without one. And of course, the question was diverted back to me.

Uh, I don’t know.

That has bothered me the entire evening. Can I trust you? I want to, but can I? Being here has heightened my trust issues because I’ve seen loads of manipulation going on.

Michelle asked me the other day though, is there anything you would miss if you were to go.

Nothing.
“Really? Not even one?”
Uh… maybe one or two.

One of them being this meeting-table-mate here. I’ve never needed as much faith (?) to take a leap into a friendship. Should I say or should I not? :/

去向

Want-to-do

  1. Pack up the whole house
  2. Redesign the living room

Been spending lots of time on 1 and still not there. Guess for as long as the urge to do something about this house is there, I shall continue clearing my house while feeding myself with design ideas – though designing is really not my forte heh.

Want-to-do

Love again

Was reminded of how Jesus loves me during service today. Unreservedly. He knew that I may never acknowledge Him, yet He chose to die for me.

This has been a lesson for me since last year. To love, to love, to love – that’s what God has been teaching me through the example that Christ led. Along the way, I probably thought that okay, learnt this, and I forgot to look at it again when circumstance turned around recently. Been trying to not get so invested again, lest I go through another bout of pain. In fact, I kept the pain as a reminder to be on guard. Funny thing was, when the reminder came, it wasn’t even during the sermon but just part of the service chair’s speech.

And this line from JPCC’s None Like You resonated with me as well: For God You are my strong foundation. Something clicked as we sang that line. I suddenly recalled what one of the speakers shared during a finance talk held in church. He shared that he saved up a million dollars in CPF, and because it’s secured (and reaping him high interest rates), he can invest the rest of his money with greater confidence. Even if he should lose his investment, he knows that he has the amount in his CPF to tide him through retirement. In a weird way (weird is an understatement I know), what CPF provides for him is like the strong foundation that we have in God – if we do it right by having God as our anchor.

Love boldly, invest all you can in people. That’s what I got out of it. Interestingly, I’ve always looked upon the time I spend with people as an investment in their lives since I was 12. Not so much the part of getting back something from them, but the part of giving unto their lives. The fruits, I guess, will be refreshment from the time spent with them.

It also somewhat answers a question I had amidst the struggle I had a few months back – how am I to love people while bearing in mind that they will fail me and only God is faithful. If they should fail you, so be it. Deal with the pain, but know that you’ve not lost everything you have, because your strong foundation is in God. Love again.

Tough lesson to swallow, to be honest.

Love again

Alike

Someone made a comment how that stranger (to him) looked like someone we know.

So it’s not just me. They really look alike and to the little extent I know of, walk alike. The resemblance is uncanny, so much so that it haunts.

Alike